


A Girl Out of Time

by BirdiePlays



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Blood and Torture, F/M, Fighting, Gen, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra experiments, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Magic, Medical Experimentation, Medical Trauma, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mind Manipulation, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Torture, Psychological Torture, Ratings subject to change, Science Experiments, Torture, Unethical Experimentation, Violence, You're Steve's Sister, reader is female
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-10-24 17:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17708378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirdiePlays/pseuds/BirdiePlays
Summary: A young girl pulled from Hydra's experiments much like her older brother, she's forced into a long process of rehab to get caught up with the world.  It's a long, painful process she's not sure she's strong enough to face alone.But what happens when a god and a super soldier she knew before stay with her and support her, while falling for this girl out of time in the process?





	1. Chapter 1

Darkness.  It’s been like that for a while now.  I barely remember anything, at this point.  Not who I was, where I was born or where I lived.  I didn’t remember where I was when things went wrong, nor why I was taken.  I didn’t know much about who kidnapped me, what they wanted, or really anything about them. 

I dully noted things growing warmer from the crisp chill I had been stuck with for who knows how long.  It was slow growing, barely noticeable.  When I finally noticed it was hard to remember when it began.  It felt… weird, feeling something besides darkness again.  When was the last time I’ve felt this?

Just as the warmth slowly came back, sound did as well. At first it was just light static which grew louder over time.  The static, from there, seemed to morph into soft, yet harsh, whispers.  I was unable to make out any words for the longest time. Even when I could hear physical words, they were extremely soft and barely audible. 

“…sure she’ll wake up?” someone asked.  I could just barely make out the concern in their voice. 

“Her vitals are stable,” a second voice replied.  “She should wake up soon.  However, she was in this stasis for decades.  Who knows how that could’ve impacted her?  We don’t know what she’ll do when she wakes up, either.”  

“She’s one of the only things I have left,” the first voice responded.  “I’ll do anything to keep her safe.” 

“We know,” a third voice said.  They sounded different from the other two, but I couldn’t quite figure out why.  “We’ll do what we can to help her out, Cap.  You guys go get some sleep, I’ll keep watch for the night.” 

“Alright,” the second voice agreed.  “Have Jarvis wake me up if something changes” 

Things went quiet from there.  I’m assuming the first two voices left the room, since, from the sounds of it, the third voice was staying in here.  It frustrated me at how weak I was in this state.  I don’t remember what happened for me to become like this, but it was, quite honestly, terrifying. 

  Time continued to pass.  I could not be sure how much longer passed before I noticed a soft glow in my vision of darkness.  Very much like sound, it returned slowly.  Eventually, it stop growing stronger and was left at a mellow light. When I tried to open my eyes to try and actually _see_ something, it felt as if they were glued shut.  I kept trying until I was able to open my eyes, only to groan in discomfort at how bright everything seemed.  My eyes automatically squinted up against that blazing light. 

I heard something shift to my right the instant I groaned.  I could hear them come closer, then there was a faint pressure on my head.  I groaned again, turning my head away.  The pressure disappeared right away, only to return on my back as someone placed another pillow behind my head. 

“Jarvis,” the voice that stayed said.  “Wake Banner and have him come to the infirmary.” 

“Of course, Ms. Romanoff.” 

I tried opening my eyes again, squinting against the light. Once they adjusted, I found myself in a clean room that seemed like a mix between a lab and a hospital.  I was in a hospital style bed and next to me was a woman sitting on a stool.  She had short, fiery red hair and was in a tight black cat suit.  She was quite beautiful, but I was to confused and concerned to worry about that. 

I went to speak only to break down into a coughing fit, throat dry from lack of use.  The woman help me sit up as I coughed, handing me a glass of water as it subsided. 

“Here,” she ask as she helped me hold the glass to my lips. “Slowly, though.  There’s plenty of water and we don’t want you to choke.” 

“Where am I?” I croaked out after I drained the entire glass within moments.  “What happened?” 

“We can get you updated once Banner gets here,” she said calmly.  “But first we need to check over you and make sure everything’s okay.” 

I nodded hesitantly, not sure I really had a choice in the matter.  I laid my head down on the pillows the woman positioned behind me.  I stared at the ceiling, wondering exactly what happened. For some reason, I can barely remember anything before waking up.  There’s a few, fleeting memories, but it’s nearly impossible for me to remember faces or location.  The only this I can fully remember is someone forcing me into some kind of tube and then everything went black.  Everything else were more… feelings, or images I couldn’t fully grasp. 

Someone coming into the room pulled me from my thoughts. I looked over to see a man coming in, the door swinging shut behind him.  The man had greying brown hair and a pair of glasses.  He look like he just got out of bed, by the thrown together clothing he wore. 

“Oh, good,” he said with a small smile.  “You’re awake.” 

I didn’t say anything, just cautiously watching the man as he went to a nearby table with some weird floating screens.  The woman stood up to join him and they began conversing in hushed tones.  There were only a few words I could pick out, such as “forgot”, “doesn’t remember”, and something about “telling Rodgers”, whoever that is. 

“Alright,” the man said after a while.  “Everything looks to be in order.  Natasha, she can be moved into a proper room whenever Tony’s ready.” 

The woman, Natasha, nodded in response.  “I’ll talk to him in the morning.  I’d rather not deal with him when he’s running on coffee alone, nor do I think she’s ready to get up.” 

“That might be for the best,” the man agreed. 

The both came over and joined me by my bed.  I watched them warily, unsure on what they were going to do to me.  I flinched away as the man reached for me, eyes going wide with panic. 

He instantly pulled back his hand, quickly sharing a look with Natasha.  “It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.  You’re safe here.” 

“What’s going on?” I said, panicked.  “Who are you and why am I here?” 

Natasha shared a quick look with the man before answering. “My name is Natasha Romanoff, and this is Bruce Banner.  We found you in a Hydra lab and brought you here so you can recover.” 

“Then why don’t I remember anything?” I challenged. 

“That would be Hydra’s doing,” Bruce Banner spoke up softly, obviously worried about my reaction.  “We don’t know how or why yet, but they somehow wiped all your memories.” 

I looked at the both of them with wide, fearful eyes. Then, without fully thinking, I forced myself out of bed.  Thankfully I was wearing a pair of loose, grey pants and a white tank top.  I went to bolt for the door when Natasha stood up and stepped in front of me.  “I can’t let you leave.  Not until you have clearance from Doctor-” 

“Get out of my way,” I practically growled, unconsciously dropping to a defensive stance.  I didn’t even recognize what I did, but I saw the woman’s eyes harden slightly. 

“Banner, get Loki or Barnes,” she said without taking her eyes off me.  “I think you’re going to want to step out for this one.” 

I tried throwing a punch at her as she was talking, though she dodged it with ease.  I faintly saw Banner rush from the room as I block an incoming punch from Natasha.  It was obvious that she wasn’t trying to hurt me, though.  I could see it in the light of her eyes.  There was the small spark of reluctance that gave it away.  That’s something I could work with. 

Without fully realizing what I was doing, I went on the attack, knowing that she couldn’t respond in the same way.  Punch after punch, kick after kick, I forced her to into fighting defensively.  While she did manage to block all of my attacks, I was forcing her backwards in the room, ever so slowly bringing me closer to the door.  I never knew I could fight like that, but all I wanted was _out_. 

Finally, I saw my chance.  I was close enough to the door that I could make my escape if I distracted my opponent long enough.  With enough speed to impress a snake, I dropped to the floor with, spinning on my hands and using my legs to hook Natasha’s, dragging them out from underneath her and sending her to the floor.  From her look of surprise, it was a move that she hadn’t seen before or coming. 

I flung myself up and bolted out the door, ignoring her cry of, “Y/N!  Wait!” 

I ran down the halls, passing by a brown-haired man who was walking down the hall.  He had a metal arm and looked at me in shock as I bolted past him. 

“Y/N?!” 

Again, I didn’t listen.  I continued to run down the maze of halls and even a few flights of stairs, heavy footsteps following behind me.  Eventually I found myself in a large common room.  Half of the walls were windows, showing towers and towers of skyscrapers.  It was obvious that we were in the middle of the city, and in one of the tallest buildings at that.  It was the middle of the night, but everything was still brightly lit up. 

I cursed in several different languages when I heard several pairs of footsteps join me in this common room.  The metal-armed man and Natasha both ran in after me. Natasha had a busted lip and the metal-armed man looks concerned for _me_. Why in hell’s name would he be concerned for me of all people?  Who the hell even am I in the first place to have so many warriors in the same building? 

“Y/n?” the man said, taking a slow step forward when he saw me in a defensive state.  “We aren’t going to hurt you.” 

“Who the hell is Y/n?” I snapped back quickly scanning for anything I could use as a weapon. 

“You are,” he replied steadily, softly.  “You are Y/n Rodgers, but you were also called the Stalker by Hydra.” 

Something seemed to click in my mind at that name.  I screamed in pain as I gripped my head, images flashing and reeling in my eyes.  So many images yet none to grasp onto and truly remember.  Emotions, though, ones that I were reliving with my memories, I could hold.  Pain. Fear.  Torture.  Disgust. 

Orders. 

I went stock still, face cold when I remembered my orders. I looked at the redhead standing behind the metal-armed man – the Winter Soldier, the Asset, my mind supplied – as I straightened my form.  Orders screamed in my head to kill her, at any and all costs. 

I bolted forward, intent on completing my orders. If I don’t then more torture comes. How I know how I knew this.  It seemed to be more instinctual rather than a firm memory.  I ducked under the metal-armed man as he tried to reach for me.  I went to go for the leg trip I did before, but Natasha knew of this now and flipped out of the way before I could strike. 

I launched myself after her with a backwards cartwheel, immediately throwing punches after her.  I ignored everything she and the metal-armed man said, 100% focused on my mission.  She managed to block every attack, however her strength was waning.  Her movements were growing sluggish and it was becoming harder for her to block my advances. 

She fell flat on her ass when her defense broke and I landed a heavy punch at her ribs.  I heard the faint _crack_ of a rib snapping.  It was so satisfying, but not enough.  This is a minor blow in our line of work, not the final hit. 

Just as I was to continue my attack, I went stock still, hearing a combination of Russian words from behind me.  I was frozen in place as the metal-armed man stepped in front of me with sad, brown eyes.  I seemed watching from out of body, unable to control my own body anymore.  I felt… detached.  All I could do was obey the commands of the metal-armed man as panic grew inside me. 

“Stand down, soldier,” he said steadily. 

“I have orders,” I replied in a monotone voice that I never would’ve expected to come from me. 

“You are being relieved from your orders,” he countered. He seemed to break character from the cold, stoic soldier.  “Common, doll.  Break through this.” 

“I have orders,” I repeated. 

“If I may, Soldier,” a smooth voice said, coming from somewhere behind me.  I couldn’t turn and look to see who, but the man had a somewhat British accent.  “Perhaps I can assist you in this.” 

“What do you propose?” Bucky asked, looking at the man behind me. 

“I can use my magic to break the mind control over her, much like I have done with you.  However, I will need to be cautious since she is not going to willingly let me into her mind.” 

“But would it work?” 

“With time, yes,” the hidden man replied.  “This is not something that can be fixed in a day, or even a week.  However, I would start with the orders and commands that are the most threat to us and herself.” 

“What’s all this commotion?”

Out of the corner of my eye I see a tall blonde, muscular man come from the hall I ran from.  He had blue eyes and was clean shaven, hair cut neatly.  He was a warrior, that’s for sure. 

When his eyes landed on me, his confused look went wide with shock.  “Y/n?” 

“Who the hell is Y/n?” I found myself asking. 

The blonde grew hurt, but quickly covered it up.  He turned to Natasha and Bucky.  “What’s going on?  Why is she like this?” 

“This is Hydra’s doing, Steve,” Natasha said.  I didn’t even notice that she had gotten off of the floor. “She flipped out after she woke up and took off.  When she ran into Bucky, something clicked and she’s going on about orders and killing me. Loki says he can help remove those commands like he did with Bucky, but it’ll take time.” 

The blonde, Steve, seemed torn for a moment before looking at the man who was still behind me.  “You can help her?” 

“Yes,” the man, Loki I’m guessing, replied smoothly. “However, I will need all of my power to aid her.  Meaning this magic suppressor has to be removed.” 

“Very well.  Nat, will you?” 

I tensed up as the woman came closer towards me, despite the fact I know she was going to the man behind me.  A headache was starting to grow from being unable to follow the orders I was given.  All I could do was brace myself for the pain I was expecting, according to the flashes of memories. 

There was a soft click and Loki sighed contently.  “Much better.  Now, I would retrain her, for this is not going to be easy.” 

Bucky and Steve nodded.  I watched in growing fear and panic as the two men approached me, gripping me by the upper arms.  As soon as they touched me, I got control of my body again, instantly struggling in their hold.  It was futile, though.  Both were super soldiers and were prepared for me.  They quickly brought me over to a nearby couch where they held me down, Steve holding my legs down with Bucky restraining my arms at my side.  A raven-haired man with emerald green eyes took a place at my head, who I assumed to be Loki. 

“Brace yourselves,” he warned the two super soldiers.  A moment later he pressed his fingers to my temples and I _screamed_ in pain.  I barely registered that I was thrashing in the holds of Bucky and Steve.  Next thing my vision went black. 


	2. Chapter 2

_I screamed in pain, fire coursing through my veins.  I could do nothing but struggle against the restraints holding me down as electricity surged through me.  Over and over again, barely giving me a break between each jolt.  It was torture at its finest, but not the worst I’ve gone through._

_Eventually, it stopped, leaving me gasping for air.  I’m not sure how long they kept me there, but it felt like hours.  The only reason I was still alive from that much electricity was due to whatever Hydra did to me.  Something I couldn’t grasp onto.  I lost who I was every time with this torture.  I didn’t even remember what I did to deserve this this time._

_My vision blurry, I could faintly see a man in a suit in front of me who was looking smug. There was another man in green and gold armor behind him looking on in shock, but that didn’t seem important._

_“Stalker,” the man in the suit.  “You have new orders.”_

_“Ready to obey,” I replied obediently, still panting slightly._

_“Hunt down and kill the Shield agent Natasha Romanoff at any and all costs.  Failure to do so will result in another session here. Understood?”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

I came to with a scream, phantom pains of years of electricity driven torture surging through my mind and body.  I was thrashing against the holds of something, which only made me think about that awful memory.  The only thing I could remember.  Being held down kept me trap in the memory. 

“No, no, no no no no,” I chanted under my breath, panicking. “Please, no more please.  Let me go, _please_ let me go!” 

“Let go of her!” 

“If we do that, she could hurt herself or any of us!” 

“She’s stuck in her memory.  Holding her down is making it worse.  Let her _go_!” 

Suddenly I was released.  I fell to the floor, instantly pushing myself away from the crowd growing around me.  I was hyperventilating, desperately trying to get oxygen into my lungs.  I faintly heard commotion exploding all around me. 

“What exactly did you do to her, Loki?” someone demanded. 

“I went to the memory where they gave her orders to kill the Widow,” the god explained.  He sounded tired and disturbed.  “They… they were torturing her with electricity, some type of body clamp holding her down.  That’s why I said restraining her would only make it worse.  It reminded her off the memory she had to live through so many times.” 

“Shit,” Bucky cursed.  “I should’ve known they would’ve done the same thing to her.” 

Someone kneeled in front of me, making me push back away from them in fear.  My vision wasn’t clearing fast enough.  All I could see was a dark green figure in front of me. 

“I am not going to hurt you,” a smooth voice said softly. “However, I cannot help you unless you let me.” 

“W-who a-a-are you?” I stuttered out, panic and fear clouding my better judgement. 

“My name is Loki.  I swear to you on my title as prince of Asgard and a master magician, I will do nothing to hurt you.” 

“O-okay,” I said after a long moment. 

“Can I touch you?” 

I gave him a small tentative nod, quickly noting how everything else has gone silent.  I watched carefully as the green figure reached out slowly, placing a hand on my arm. Suddenly a calm feeling spread throughout me.  I could finally could focus my eyes and catch my breath, looking at the man in front of me. Only to lose the ability to breathe a moment later. 

He was gorgeous.  Shoulder-length raven hair with bright, emerald green eyes which looked at me in concern.  He was kneeling in front of me wearing a green shirt and leather pants.  It was obvious he wasn’t from this world or time period.  

“You’re the man in my memory,” I said, confused. 

“That is correct, but not in the way you think,” Loki explained.  “I used my magic to release your mind from the orders Hydra instilled in you, which is why I was there in that memory.  I wasn’t there physically, but rather mentally.” 

“This is too much…” I rubbed my temples faintly, feeling a headache forming. 

“How about we let her adjust first before bombarding her with questions and explanations?” Steve said.  “If she’s as confused as I was when I first got out of the ice, she needs time before trying to sort everything out.” 

“N-no,” I spoke up tentatively, making everyone look at me in shock.  “I want to know what they did to me.  After that memory… I want answers.” 

“Are you sure, doll?” Bucky asked. 

“No,” I replied softly, looking down at my shaking hands. “But I need to know what’s wrong with me.” 

The others shared a long look before they came to some form of mutual agreement.  Natasha was the one who spoke up next.  “Why don’t we get you something to eat first and then explain?  I’m sure you’re probably starving.” 

It was at that moment that my stomach decided to growl. Loudly.  I blushed in embarrassment as they chuckled. 

“I’m going to take that as a yes,” Steve said with a soft smile. 

Loki stood up straight in front of me, offering me a hand. I took it, allowing him to help me up. I missed the looks between the other team members who seemed shock at Loki’s small act of kindness. 

The group led me to a large kitchen with a counter island in the center.  I sat down at one of the stools while Natasha started pulling things from cabinets.  Loki stationed himself against the wall near the entrance, while Bucky took a seat next to me.  Steve, after a moment of hesitation, sat across the counter from me. 

It wasn’t long before something good smelling coming over from where the woman was working.  I couldn’t even remember smelling something so good.  Hell, I can’t even remember my last meal.  A moment later, Natasha sets down a large bowl of what looked like stew.  It looked amazing. 

“It’s a Russian stew,” Natasha said as I dug in hungrily. She seemed happy that I was enjoying it this much.  “It’s one of the only things I keep from my old life.  I’m glad you like it.” 

“It’s really good,” I admitted between mouthfuls.  In no time my bowl was completely empty.  “Thank you, and… I’m sorry that I ended up hurting you.” 

“It’s not a problem, _Anya_ ,” she said.  “You didn’t do that much damage.” 

“The threat was still there… I wasn’t even in control of myself.  Something just overcame me and I couldn’t do anything to stop myself.  It was like I was watching myself act without truly being there.” 

Natasha and Steve were looking at me with sympathy, while Bucky and Loki looked like they actually understood what I was saying.  I quickly decided I liked that better than the pity. 

“So, where would you like to start?” Steve asked from in front of me. 

“What did they do to me?” I questioned softly after a moment of thought. 

“We aren’t sure of everything they did to you,” Bucky started after Steve gave him a small nod.  “But if it’s anything like what Hydra did to me, they tortured you into obedience, implanted code words into your brain that made you respond to commands. They trained you into the perfect weapon, a killing machine that would respond to orders without question.” 

“They…” I whispered, paling at what I could’ve done. “They turned me into a monster… didn’t they?  They made me kill people?” 

“They did, but you are no monster,” Steve spoke up firmly, though not unkindly.  “What you did was not of your own free will.  The blame is solely on Hydra.” 

I felt tears prickle in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away.  Now wasn’t the time for this.  I needed more answers, a full explanation, before I could find some peace.  “What else did they do to me?  Or rather, made me do.” 

“They used you as a tool, plain and simple,” Bucky said with a darkness that I could only attribute to someone who lived the same hell I did.  Was my life really that bad?  “They had you brainwashed.  They sold you out to the highest bidder to take down important targets.  You were a master at doing your job unseen, even more so than me.  People called me the Winter Soldier, but the public couldn’t even give you a name.” 

Hearing his name seemed to spark something within me.  My eyes went unfocused as I tried to remember… “I remember you… I saw you around the compound I was kept in.  You would train other warriors, but never me.  They never let you neared me.” 

The brunette looked shocked for a moment, but nodded faintly, eyes down casted.  “They didn’t want me near their other best asset.  They deemed me unstable from the experiments they did to me, and didn’t want me to accidentally hurt you.  As much as I wish I could’ve been there to protect you, it was better to have you way from me.” 

I placed a hand on Bucky’s arm, pulling him from the darkness he was bringing himself back to. I gave him a soft, tentative smile.  “It’s okay. We couldn’t do anything to stop them. We did what we could to survive.  I’m not upset with you, especially knowing what they did to you.” 

“Doll,” the man besides me said after a moment.  “You are still too perfect for the world.” 

“What do you mean, ‘still’?” 

Bucky and Steve shared a look, one of those silent conversations that only incredibly close people can have. The blonde gave a subtle shake of the head, to which the brunette sighed to. 

“We’ll explain another time,” Steve said.  “I’m sure you’re exhausted and confused.  We don’t want to stress you out.” 

“Alright,” I relented.  I really wanted to figure out what the hell was going on, but he was right when he said I’m exhausted.  It would be great to sleep for a while and avoid the world for as long as possible. Though, maybe a shower should be first. I feel itchy from sweat and phantom pains from long past.  “Is there any chance I’d be able to find a shower before I turn in?  I feel disgusting and don’t really want to sleep like this.” 

“Of course,” Natasha said.  “I’ll bring you some clean clothes, too.  How about I show you to your room?” 

The boys looked tense at the offer, but before they could say anything the red head came over and looped her arm with mine, pulling me off the stool as she did so.  She led me out of the kitchen and through some halls before getting on an elevator. 

“Was that wise...?” I asked her softly. 

“What?” she said, looking over at me. 

I rubbed my arm faintly, not meeting her gaze.  “Pulling me off alone after what I did.” 

“That wasn’t you that attacked me,” she said simply. “That was what Hydra and years of training and torture did.  But that wasn’t you.” 

The rest of the trip was in silence.  The assassin showed me to a room right across from hers, leaving me there to go grab me some clothes.  I went inside my room, only to be surprised at what I found there. 

Instead of a solo room like I expected, I was given a full apartment style suite.  I was standing in the entrance to a large sitting room with a ring of couches and chairs, a flat screen tv hanging on the wall.  The far wall of this living room was made entirely of windows, giving an amazing view of the city skyline.  There was a kitchenet on my right, with marble counters and stainless-steel appliances. 

There was a door on my left that was open, showing a lavish bedroom.  It was very modern and simplistic, obviously not in use do to the lack of photos or any other personal items.  One wall was made of windows just like the living room, with heavy curtains on either side.  The adjoining bathroom was just as lavish with a deep bathtub, high tech shower, and a beautiful sink. 

I have never seen something so fancy and so… soft, in my life.  Everything I could remember were hard edges and function, not comfort.  Never comfort. 

A soft knock pulled me from my thoughts.  I looked over to see Natasha standing in the bathroom doorway, arms crossed. 

“What do you think?” she asked. 

“Very… elaborate,” I said after a moment.  “Not sure if I’ll ever be able to be comfortable in this after…”

“I know the feeling.  You’ll get used to it, though, once you get past how soft the beds are. I think most of us in the tower are more comfortable sleeping on a couch than in our own beds.” 

We stayed there in silence for a moment before the assassin stood up straight.  “I set a change of clothes on your bed.  I’ll leave you to shower and get some sleep.  Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.  I’m right across the hall if you need anything.” 

Natasha left after I gave her a small nod of understanding. I decided to get my shower in while I still could, quickly stripping the clothes I was still wearing.  As I was heading for the shower, I caught myself in the mirror, only to stare at the woman I saw there.  She was covered in scars and was white as a ghost from what seemed to be lack of sunlight.  Her eyes were haunted, sunken in with dark circles under her eyes.  There was no spark of life or love in those brown eyes.  Was that really me? 

Shaking my head, I hopped in for the first shower I could remember.  I can worry about that image later.  In fact, I can worry about everything later. 

**Author's Note:**

> New fanfic wooo!! (Totally can't have to many, amirite?) Let me know what you think in the comments below!


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